Elementary School Children: Self-Confidence
7 Steps to Nurturing Your Child’s Self Confidence
An abundance of research indicates low self-esteem in children can lead to depression. Here’s how parents can foster confidence in their child and build self-esteem.
1 - Provide Love
When the household is one of love and encouragement, it is less likely that your child will seek out this attention outside the home. Make sure you are reminding them how much you love them, how lucky the family is to have them, and how much potential they have. Even on their lowest day, this love is a reminder of how valuable they are to the world.
2 - Strengthen Their Moral and Intellectual Foundations
As a parent, it is of vital importance to send a child into the world with an understanding of their “whys”. This should be done in the context of their belief system, their culture, their appearance, etc. Conversations about why we as Muslims, for example, believe what we do will strengthen the child’s conviction in standing for their principles around their peers and not feeling degraded if left out of gatherings that promote beliefs contrary to our own.
Share the origin of self-confidence with your child. The Almighty Allah (swt) is al-Azim and Al-Aziz (The Great and The Mighty). Any confidence we find in ourselves is because Allah loaned us a portion from Himself, for He is the source of All Greatness. Remind your child that if at any time they feel low or unworthy, it is the Greatest who is their Creator, their Friend and their Confidant. He will always give them the strength they need if they tap into that Source and remember their greatness within.
3 - Encourage
Recognize when your child is doing something well. It is very critical in the developmental stage of their life to respond to their behaviors, and the reaction you give will either enforce good actions or diminish them.
Especially applaud your child’s traits of determination, perseverance, and positive thinking. Regardless of the outcome of their test scores, for example, recognize their hard work and your admiration for it.
However, make sure to correct behaviors if needed. Do this in a manner that does not put them down or compare them to their peers or siblings. Rebuking the child constantly will surely lower their self-esteem and make them uneasy about their abilities throughout life.
4 - Support Challenge
Sign your child up for organized sports, scholastic tournaments, or even Quran recitation and poetry competitions. Healthy consistent competition throughout a child’s development will allow them to thrive as they put their best foot forward into exploring their interests while learning to work with others. This is especially useful to teach children that although they may not win each time, they are still worthy of getting back up and trying again. Help them look at losing constructively instead of critically.
5 - Activate a Growth Mindset
A fixed mindset is one in which a person may think they are either good or bad at something, and that they will never change.
Ex: “I’m bad at math, I’ll never understand it .”
On the other hand, a growth mindset is one in which the child understands their abilities and what they are less skilled in, but realize that they can always improve.
Ex: “Math is challenging for me, but if I study enough I will get a great score.”
In the second example, the child is not labeling themselves with failure; rather they recognize their potential and practical ways to grow. This similarly applies to the concept of sinning: it is unproductive to label oneself as a sinner when they should repent and progress, trying their best to not fall into the same sin again. If your child presents a fixed mindset statement, attempt to fix the perception they have of themselves by offering a growth mindset solution.
6 - Develop a Healthy Network
Research shows that adolescents are at risk of not fulfilling their basic need for belonging if they are unsuccessful in building relationships. This means that the following factors should be considered:
Prepare your child to be a pleasing person. The best of examples to provide them with is the akhlaq of the Prophet (pbuh&hp) and his perfection of etiquette and morals. If they do not understand how to share, be tolerant of others, and show courtesy, for example, other children may not choose to spend time with them or build those connections later in life. The child will ultimately feel left out without these social skills, and confused about what is wrong with themselves, digging themselves into a hole of low self-esteem from their early development.
Introduce your child to others their age. Sometimes it is hard, especially for a shy child, to go out of their way and make a new friend. But if you arrange for a gathering or consistently visit a place where other children will be present, your child will grow at ease with meeting others and building their social skills.
7 - Avoid These Mistakes
When your child is not acting the way you’d like, try your best not to shame them in public or especially in front of their peers. This can lower their self confidence and make them feel smaller than others.
Don’t dwell on the mistakes of your child, nor let them do so themselves. This may constantly associate them with failure, instead of one who overcomes obstacles.
Do not attempt to always protect your child from failure, however. When one fails yet remains resilient, they are reinforcing their mechanism of maintaining high grit and low despair. Lessons they learn in situations of failure will surely come in handy later in their life.
